The Legend of Drunken Matrimony
by S. Sakurai
Summary: The island of Rakuen may not be crawling with thugs and despots, but it still boasts an insidious danger to the Straw-Hat Pirates. After a night of inhibition-free revelry, have the cook and the thief turned into the wife and her lover?


Author's Note: Thanks to Mistress Fire-Hazard for suggesting much of the idea behind this story!   
  
  
The Legend of Drunken Matrimony  
  
The parched sands of Alabasta were behind them, and the rough Mock Town of Jaya was as yet far over the horizon, when the Straw Hat Pirates anchored in the port of a small tropical island.  
  
"Welcome! Welcome, weary travelers, to the resort country of Rakuen!"  
  
The short, round man bedecked in a vibrantly flower-patterned shirt bounded up the gankplank of the Going Merry like a rubber ball.   
  
"Oh yeah! What a great island!" Luffy said, outdoing their greeter by a good twenty feet as he launched himself into a grove of towering palms and stared in amazement at the vast monstrosities that erupted from the thick jungle of the island's center. "Those are the biggest trees I've ever seen! I'm gonna climb them and pick some bananas!"  
  
"They aren't banana trees, they're palms." Nami corrected him.   
  
"Did you know that I once saw a banana tree that was twice as tall as that?" Usopp commented.  
  
"REALLY? TWICE AS TALL?" Chopper said in shock.  
  
"It took me three days to climb it... I had to tie myself to the trunk at night to sleep!"  
  
"WOW!!"  
  
"Welcome to our paradise!" A quartet of smoothly tanned women in frond-woven shirts sashayed up to the ship, arms laden with living floral rainbows. They draped chains of flowers around the necks of the crew. "Thank you." Sanji purred, his one visible eye caught by the vague hints of flesh that could be seen through the loose weave. "I can tell this island is a real paradise!"   
  
"Our island is truly blessed by the gods of the sea." the little round man said. "I am Asobi, your guide to our tropical heaven. Please, follow me, and the most comfortable accommodation will be yours! We began preparing the feast as soon as our lookouts sighted your boat- it should be nearly ready by now."   
  
"Really? And what will all this cost?" Nami asked, shoving past the enraptured Sanji.  
  
"Oh, there is no charge. The Rakuen people delight in granting hospitality to tired wanderers!"  
  
"I don't buy it." Nami said, remembered the treachery of Whiskey Peak.   
  
"Real resorts don't accommodate travelers for free. How do you make money?"  
  
"Ah, miss, you're a sharp one." Asobi smiled. "Rarely do pirates stop to question why when the spirits start flowing and a comfortable bed awaits. The truth is, our island has no need of money. Food is so plentiful that we could not go hungry even if our population were to triple, and we have abundant other resources to trade for what we need. No, the only thing we desire is the security of knowing our peaceful lives are unthreatened. You can well imagine how tempting our island is to potential conquerers, and in the Grand Line, well... Let's just say we find it easiest to share our plenty with all, and win the fondness of every pirate that passes this way. No buccaneer would dare try to capture the 'Pirate's Playground' for themselves! The other crews would band together to rip them apart!" He chuckled. "I hope that your own crew means no such mischief?"  
  
"We're not that kind of pirates." Nami reassured him.  
  
"Then if you'll follow me, I'll lead you and your crew to the party of your lives, Captain...?"  
  
"Nami, but I'm not the captain. That's our captain over there." She pointed to where Luffy was fighting a troop of monkeys over a giant coconut. "HEY! LUFFY! We're going now!"  
  
"It's my coconut! I got it down from the tree!"  
  
"Luffy! NOW!"  
  
"Are you sure you're not the captain?" Asobi muttered to himself as he led the small crew down a path of white sand that wended its way into the jungle. The sun was setting, and the darkness under the canopy was lit with lamps that shone through blue-tinted glass, making them feel as though they were walking through a submerged cavern.  
  
"It's eerie, isn't it?" Niko Robin said to Luffy. "It's just an illusion, but I can't help feeling ill at ease at the very suggestion. You carry the fruit's curse as well -- do you feel the apprehension at the thought of being under the ocean?"  
  
"Nah, not really. I wish Nami would have let me finish what I was doing." he grumbled. "I had the boss monkey in a headlock, so that coconut was almost mine!"  
  
"I should have guessed there'd be no room for vague feelings of dread in your perception." Robin smiled.   
  
"....I thought that the hardest part was over when I reached the top and found a bunch of bananas the size of canoes!" Usopp continued as Chopper hung on his every word. "Just then, I heard a grunt, and I looked down. A huge gorilla was climbing up the trunk after me, and he looked hungry!"  
  
"What did you DO?" Chopper squeaked.  
  
Ahead of them, Asobi paused. "Excuse me." he said, and scurried off into the darkness. "Where's he going?" Zoro said under his breath to Nami. "Is this some kind of ambush after all?"  
  
Suddenly, the darkness evaporated in a firey blaze of light that blinded them all for a moment. When vision returned, it was to the sight of a lavish inn, an edifice of palmwood and bamboo that seemed to ooze comfort even as it blended in harmony with the natural surroundings.  
  
A table in front of the building was heaped high with the island's culinary bounty, and huge wooden casks flowed with ale. The area positively crawled with laughing, feasting pirates.  
  
"That's better!" called one. "We can finally see what we're eating!"  
  
"I can't shee nothin'!" another, face down next to a pile of empty bottles, shouted, bringing raucous laughter.  
  
"Sorry for the wait." Asobi said, hurrying back. "I just had to sort out a little problem with the timed lighting system on the torches." A bit sheepishly, Zoro returned his swords to their scabbards.  
  
"It's time to party!" Luffy said.  
  
"Aye-aye, captain!" the crew of the Going Merry roared, and they set about to obeying this command.  
  
"This glaze is magnificent!" Sanji enthused, taking a bite from a huge hauch of roast pork. "I have to track down the chef and get these recipes." A Rakuenni girl carrying a tray of sapote curls set them down on the table next to him. "Ah, you like it? I helped cook that."  
  
"Perhaps I can convince you to reveal the secret to its deliciousness?" Sanji smiled.  
  
"I'd better not stop." She grinned back at him. "We seem to be a few servers short for some reason."  
  
Beneath a nearby tree, the missing servers were gathered, spellbound.  
  
"I paddled the banana down the river, with the giant ape running along the river bank, just moments behind me! Luckily, he hated water. I could tell by his stench that he hadn't had a bath in.. well, ever, probably."  
  
"That's amazing, 'Captain Usopp'!" one of his listeners cooed, leaning over to refill the storyteller's coconut ale-stein. "How'd you ever survive?"  
  
"I saw an overhanging branch coming up, so I leapt up onto it, dragging the banana with me! In a great hurry, I peeled it, and tossed it onto the bank-- and my pursuer stepped right on it and fell flat on his back!" Usopp took a long gulp from his drink. "By the time he could get to his feet again, I had swum to shore and escaped. Not only that, but when he hit the ground, the earthquake was so powerful that all the other bananas fell off the tree, too! I went back and grabbed them later, and used them to feed a whole hungry village!"   
  
"That's certainly an incredible story." one of the other girls said, stifling a giggle.   
  
"THAT'S... SO ... AWESOME!" Chopper said, jaw on the ground.  
  
"Yes, well, wait until you hear what happened on the voyage back--" Usopp began, but was interrupted by a large, hairy body crashing into the circle.   
  
"AH! It's the gorilla! He's found you!" Chopper shrieked, diving for cover under a table.   
  
"It's just a drunk." Usopp poked the snoring behemoth. "He's out cold."  
  
"That's three down!" A roar of approval erupted from a gathered crowd.   
  
"Who's next?" Nami sat at the table, a row of empty mugs to her left and a pile of gold and jewels to her right. "C'mon, there has to be somebody willing to put their bets down."  
  
"Girl, I just saw you drink my three toughest crewmates under the table." a grizzled pirate drawled, stroking his greasy beard. "I ain't losing any more money bettin' against you, 'sides, I already lost it all anyway."  
  
"Oh, that's too bad! I'm really tipsy now! You'd have a good chance to win! Zoro, you'll drink against me, right?"  
  
"Forget it, somebody has to stay conscious in case of trouble."  
  
"What about Robin?"  
  
"The last time I saw her, she had a drink in each hand... four of them. Everyone will be collapsed by tomorrow."  
  
"Oh, lighten up! This isn't Whiskey Peak!"  
  
"How much have you had, anyway?"  
  
"It's no problem. You know I can hold my liquor."  
  
"Hey, lady! Try some of this stuff!" A fishman staggered into the group, waving a half-empty bottle. "You wanna strong drink, have this!" His anglerfish-like light bobbed unsteadily, flickering as though struggling to stay lit.  
  
"Careful, girl, that's fishman liquor. Ever heard the sayin' 'drink like a fish'?." The rough pirate cautioned her. "They say that stuff's ten times stronger than human ale."  
  
"Oh, go ahead 'n try it!" The fishman wobbled on his feet and leaned against her. "Hey, you're not bad lookin' fer a human--"  
  
Nami pushed him over, rescuing the bottle before it could crash with him. "I've never met the drink yet that could defeat me! Watch me drink it in one gulp!"  
  
"Idiot." Zoro sighed under his breath as Nami raised the bottle to her lips and began to drain it to the cheers of the assembled pirates. "I'm going to go have a nap."  
  
"There!" Nami turned the bottle upside down to show its emptiness. "I did it!" She stood up. "Nami, Queen of the Wet-Bar-- uhh, ahh!" She blurted as her feet went out from under her and she sat down more suddenly than she expected. "Ahahahah!" she snorted. "Ooops."  
  
"Nami's so cute when she's tipsy." Sanji sighed, plunking down into a seat across from her. "Can I get you shomething, Nami?"  
  
"You're slurring! You're drunkerer than me, Mr. Curly Brow!" Nami laughed.   
  
"I think it's a tie." Usopp said, his own long and brew-reddened nose poking out from under the tablecloth. "Hey, someone help me get Chopper out from under here... he's latched onto a table leg and won't let go..."  
  
Nami gestured broadly with the empty bottle. "Does anybody have any more'a this stuff?"  
  
*****  
  
"Miss? Excuse me, Miss, could you wake up?"  
  
The words were a soft but insistent constant and behind them... behind them was something so agonizing that she wanted to flee backwards into sleep, and yet she was being dragged with every second farther and farther into horrible, horrible awareness. She felt like a giant squid, harpooned, dragged onto a boat, and left to dry in the sun.  
  
"Miss, could you get up and do something about your... captain?" Asobi leaned over her, mercifully blocking out most of the hideous morning light. And yet the unspeakable noise remained in the background.  
  
"Urggah." was Nami's reply. She pulled the tarpaulin she'd apparently been using as a makeshift blanket over her head.  
  
"I know you're not feeling well, but please! We're beginning to get complaints about his behavior, especially in light of the fact many of our other guests are suffering as you are..."  
  
Nami rolled over and was confronted by the source of the soul-searing racket. Luffy stood a few meters away, banging on a giant drum and grinning broadly.  
  
WHUM WHUM WHUM WHUM WHUM! "Look at what the monkeys gave me last night!"  
  
The intense desire to lay perfectly still labored with the equally strong urge to leap up and murder Luffy. Nami compromised by sitting up and weakly moaning, "Monkeys?"  
  
"They invited me back to their tree for coconut daquiris to show there were no hard feelings. They even gave me this great drum so we can make music on the ship!" WHUM WHUM WHUM WHUM!  
  
"You see the problem." Asobi said apologetically. "He's been here for only a few minutes and already the others with ... the residue of libation... are planning to massacre him!"  
  
"I'll handle it." Nami groaned. "Luffy, STOP HITTING THAT THING. Don't you know about hangovers?"  
  
"I know Shanks used to get them. You look a little like Shanks, waking up on the ground like that after a party! He'd usually have someone under the blanket with him, too."  
  
"What?" Nami pulled back the tarpaulin.  
  
"Aggg, too bright! Oh, Nami! Good morning!" Sanji's handsomely disheveled face looked back at her.   
  
"SANJI? What are you doing, sharing a blanket with me?"  
  
His lascivious smirk faded into confusion. "Um... actually, I don't remember. You're going to have to tell me, what AM I doing?"  
  
"I... I don't remember either."  
  
"So, the lovebirds are awake." Niko Robin walked into the clearing. An extra hand sprouted from her neck, holding an icepack to her forehead, but she looked unusually happy about something. "You two were really dead to the world."   
  
"We're not lovebirds, and it's Luffy's fault we're up! The idiot came in banging on a huge drum!" Nami grouched. "If there was any justice, he'd have the worst hangover of any of us, but he doesn't seem to have even a twinge."  
  
"Maybe the entire roast cow he ate last night absorbed the alcohol." Robin shrugged. "He seemed to be fine no matter how hard he celebrated. Does he EVER get drunk?"  
  
The two women looked over at Luffy, who had abandoned his drum to play Tarzan, swinging from tree to tree on rubbery arms. "Maybe. How could you TELL?" Nami answered, after a long moment. "Anyway, last night was the first time that I ever got drunk, really drunk. That fishman liquor is so strong!" Her voice fell. "Listen, Robin, I don't remember anything about last night... please tell me Sanji and I didn't... didn't...."  
  
"Don't worry, you were both so smashed, you pretty much passed out right after the ceremony. Not that anyone could think any less of you if you had, of course, now that you've been legally bonded."  
  
"Ceremony... what?"  
  
"You don't remember that either?" Robin smiled sweetly. "Last night, you and Sanji got married."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"A little quieter, please!" Asobi urged futilely.  
  
******  
  
"This is a disaster! This is the worst thing that could possibly happen!"   
Nami wailed, pacing back and forth on the deck of the Going Merry.   
  
"It's not that bad, surely, Nami-chan?" Sanji asked plaintively.  
  
"It can't really be true!" Nami said, ignoring him. "This is a sleazy resort, there's not a priest or justice of the peace for miles! Nobody could have legally married us."  
  
"The captain of a ship can conduct a marriage too, you know." Robin reminded her.  
  
"LUFFY!" Nami turned on him in a rage. "You... you didn't!"  
  
"Yeah, I think there was something like that. Right before the monkeys came for me. I had to conduct some ceremony-- I don't really remember, I was trying to balance a pineapple on my nose at the time."  
  
"You're married all right. I saw it." Zoro grinned. "I was that stupid cook's best man."  
  
"I was Nami's maid of honor." Robin said.  
  
"I was the ring bearer!" Chopper said.  
  
"I was-- I was the flower girl." Usopp said sullenly. "I was in the bathroom when everybody picked, and they stuck me with it!"  
  
A head popped up over the rail of the ship. "Did I hear some screams of anguish?" inquired Asobi. "Could it be that we've had one of our island's famous surprise weddings?"  
  
"'Famous' surprise weddings?" Nami asked.  
  
"We call it 'The Legend of Drunken Matrimony'... pirates wake up to find themselves married to an island resident. We have one of the most genetically diverse populations in the world, with ancestors from all over the globe. Why, my own father was a pirate from the North Blue, and my mother's mother was a West Blue buccaneer queen."  
  
"So, perhaps it was an ambush after all." Zoro said mildly.  
  
"That's a dirty trick!" Nami shouted.  
  
"Well, after all, nobody forces you to get married." Asobi said. "And in your case, it's not as though you're stuck here, since you've each married another member of your crew. May I suggest a honeymoon in the Central Jungle?"  
  
"How about it, Nami?" Sanji asked. "We may as well get to know each other better."  
  
"Absolutely not! I refuse to go off alone with you!"  
  
"Why not give him a chance?" Asobi suggested. "Though it was in error, in time love may bloom, as it did between my own parents." He paused. "Although of course the reverse is also possible... my grandmother ended up pushing my grandfather off a cliff...."  
  
"I'm not interested in letting anything 'bloom'!"  
  
"And the central jungle is such a lovely paradise for two... beautiful gardens of foliage, blossoms of every hue, sparkling pools to swim in--"  
  
"It's out of the question!"  
  
"-- and the jeweled animals - the amethyst-shelled snail, the ruby crab, the emerald-eyed chameleon--"  
  
"And besides-- WHAT?"  
  
"The jeweled animals. Our island's treasure. It's through their harvest that we're able to afford such luxury for ourselves and our guests, you know."  
  
"Hmm... you know, Sanji, maybe I was a little hasty-- a honeymoon might just be a good idea after all..."  
  
*******  
  
"Nami-chan! Nami-chan! Look at the beautiful sunset!" Sanji stood at the edge of the inner island's plateau, gesturing broadly at the panorama before them. The sun glowed huge and orange, soaking the sea and the lower jungle in its light as if desperate to pour out as much illumination as possible before its nightly drowning beneath the waves.  
  
"Uh-huh.. what's with the 'chan' all of a sudden?" Nami said distractedly, thumbing through a guide to the island. "Hmm, the ruby crabs are supposed to come out of the river and into the jungle about this time...." She looked at the sheet of water plunging down to her right as the river shot over the cliff in a frothy waterfall.   
  
"We are married, after all. It's only natural to use pet names for each other. I don't mind if you call me Sanji-kun or Sanji-chan or even 'Sanji, my red-hot chef of love'!" He sidled up to her. "Put that book down and come watch the sunset with me."  
  
"Okay... but YOU have to do something for ME first."  
  
"Anything!"  
  
"Catch me some ruby crabs. They should be surfacing any minute now."  
  
"No problem! A ruby crab, for my ruby-lipped bride." Sanji walked down to the edge of the river. "How will I be able to tell when they're coming out? It's a little dark to see under the canopy."  
  
"Let's see..." Nami said, leafing through the book. "I think you'll be able to tell." she answered, nonchalantly climbing up into a small tree.  
  
"Now?" asked Sanji as a bubbling, fizzing noise started rising in the waters behind him.   
  
"No. Be ready, they run out pretty fas--"  
  
A living sheet of red jeweled shells burst from the waterline, covering the space between the banks and the trees in an endless army of marching, keening arthropods. Sanji, startled, was swept off his feet and fell backwards into the teeming horde.  
  
"Now, Sanji! Grab them!   
  
"I - I'm trying - I- ahhh! Their pincers are - like razors! Ahhh!"  
  
"Keep going, Sanji!" Nami cried, her head swimming with visions of huge wads of berries as the living sea of jewels swept beneath her. "Grab as many as you can!"  
  
"I'm- I'm trying! Aghh!" Groping blindly under the weight of hundreds of scuttling bodies, Sanji slipped off the bank and into the rushing waters.   
  
"Nami-chan, I- help! I'm going to go over the-"  
  
And with a cry, Sanji was swept over the waterfall by a current too strong even for he to fight... at least not with his arms full of sharp crabs.  
  
*******  
  
"My poor cooking hands..." Sanji whimpered, looking down at his bandaged extremities.   
  
"Oh, don't whine!" Nami fumed. "You couldn't even keep your hands on ONE crab?"  
  
"I blacked out when I hit the rocks... but there were a few that got into my pants somehow, so we still have those."  
  
"There is that." Nami said, slightly mollified. She looked at the bowl in which five small, bright ruby crabs swam. "Still, they're awfully small. You haven't even gotten me a ring yet, you know!"  
  
"I'm sorry, Nami-chan..."  
  
"You should be! But--" her expression changed to a smile. "--I'll forgive you if you get me one of the other animals on the island. The amethyst snail for instance. You should be able to catch a SNAIL, shouldn't you, darling?"  
  
"Well - I suppose, but..."  
  
"Great!" Nami said. "Coincidentally, while the doctor was sewing you up, I was preparing a special paste of tropical stink-cabbage which I was told is an excellant bait for snails!"  
  
"Couldn't we wait a day, Nami, dearest? The doctor said I should take it easy after that fall. Can't we just spend the day in our hut, enjoying each other's company?"  
  
"Sanji! How selfish! And after I was up late making bait paste while you lay about in a coma!" She sniffed. "Besides, I've already smeared it all over the outside of our hut. You should be able to just go out and kick them off."  
  
"Fine, fine." Sanji opened the door. "What time is it?"  
  
"Almost noon, why?"  
  
"It's still dark out." He put one hand gingerly out the door, then drew it back sharply when he encountered resistance. "No.. it's more like the doorway is covered by a wall of something sticky..."  
  
It took a few seconds for their brains to come to a conclusion. When they did, within milliseconds of each other, the color drained from their faces.  
  
"Nami... that's..." Sanji said in horror.  
  
"AAAIGH!" Nami screamed. "Nobody told me they were that BIG! Get it, Sanji, before it eats the whole hut!"  
  
Sanji bravely charged forever, kicking with all his might and driving a foot deep into the soft underbelly of the snail that covered the door. With an unearthly squeal, the vast sticky muscle disappeared, pulled back with surprising speed into the mountainous amethyst shell they knew must be somewhere above.  
  
There was another moment as they just stood, staring at the daylight that suddenly flooded in through the slime-coated doorway. Then reality hit again as the mental picture formed in Sanji's mind. The snail was on top of the hut... the snail pulled itself into its shell... the shell was now hanging, unsupported, directly over the hut....  
  
"Nami, get out!" he cried, shoving her out the doorway. She tumbled, slamming into a tree, and turned breathlessly just in time to see Sanji fail to make it out of the doorway before the immense violent crystal mountain hit and crushed their wedding hut into bamboo splinters.  
  
*******  
  
"Urgh.. urgh... urgh... urgh..." Sanji grunted.  
  
"Do you have to make those awful noises?" Nami complained. "It's bad enough you let the snail get away while you were unconscious, and now I can't even enjoy the climb."  
  
"Sorry, Nami-chan. Don't worry! I'll catch that emerald chameleon for you!" Sanji glanced down at the jungle far below them and wrapped his limbs tighter around the trunk of the vast central palm. "I hope you're comfortable back there, my little princess?"  
  
"It'll do." she said, sinking further into the plush sedan chair strapped to Sanji's back. "I shouldn't even have to come up here with you, but apparently you can't catch ANYTHING without my help..."  
  
"It's at the very top?"  
  
"That's what the guidebook says. I'm going to take a little nap, wake me when we're up there, okay?"  
  
"Right." Sanji hauled himself another step up the tree. And one more. And one more. Like an inchworm, he scaled the mighty trunk, carefully picking his way through areas slippery with moisture from passing clouds.   
  
Eventually, after several hours of climbing, he reached the very top of the tree. With sweat pouring into his eyes, he could hardly tell except that it was cooler here, and the field of blue that filled his vision was replaced with green.   
  
The air was thin, but he had to hold on... had to get that emerald-scaled chameleon for Nami.... but he was here at the top of the tree, and where was it?  
  
He looked from green blotch to green blotch, hoping to catch a vision of lighter green, of something that looked like jewels.  
  
Then, there it was, scuttling down the trunk, first one way, then the other, conical eyes rolling back and forth. It truly was gorgeous, rippling with the verdant precious stones its name suggested.  
  
Gotcha, Sanji thought. Wait, no... how'm I supposed to grab it? It was less than a meter from his face, and yet he was powerless to reach it. It was taking all his strength just to hold on as the emerald chameleon regarded him quizzically.  
  
As if to test at unfamiliar quality, the chameleon's long tongue snaked out rapidly and back in again, slapping for a split second under Sanji's left ear. Then again... more slowly this time, carefully tasting up and down his neck, then under his nose.  
  
With horror, Sanji realized that it tickled like hell. He had to force the laughter down... as the tongue moved over his face gently, like a feather... such a pleasant, defenseless animal, not like the others, and yet in this situation.  
  
The laugther erupted out of him even as he felt his limbs convulse and lose purchase.  
  
"Sanji? Mmmph. Wh'ze so funny?" he heard his new wife ask sleepily from behind him. At least Nami's chair is padded, that should keep her safe... though from this height, who knows? he thought as his grip failed and the two began the long descent to the ground.  
  
*******  
  
"Owww! Why must you do that, you stupid reindeer?"  
  
"It's antiseptic!" Chopper squeaked resolutely, dabbing the cotton swab on yet another of Sanji's many cuts. "Without this, you might get an infection."  
  
"I just fell out of a tree and survived! You think an infection can beat me, huh?"  
  
"It doesn't work like that! And Usopp told me that some of the germs around here are six meters tall! They could kill you in a heartbeat!" Chopper warned. "Now you two lie still while I go for more cotton balls."  
  
Nami lay in the next bed, listening to the very familiar sound of two of her crewmates arguing. When Chopper was out of earshot, she turned over on her side and spoke softly to Sanji. "Sanji... chan, are you all right?" It was a silly question given what had just happened to them.  
  
He chuckled. "Yeah, I'll be okay. What about you, Nami-chan?"  
  
"Oh, I'm fine. The chair and.. uh, you, broke my fall. Just a couple of broken ribs..." She swallowed. "Listen, Sanji, I... er... I owe you an apology. I really took advantage of our being m-married in order to force you to do things. I guess I got a little crazy at the thought of all that living treasure."  
  
"It's okay. You didn't force me to do anything. I did it because I wanted to make you happy."  
  
Nami blushed. "Well, just don't be such a pushover about it next time! I mean... I'll get out of practice in manipulating people if you just do everything I ask without question! A guy like you could really make a girl terrible at theiving."  
  
"That's no big deal, you can go ahead and be pampered. I assumed you were going to give up thieving anyway, with all the kids we'll be having. Let's try for at least two per year--"  
  
She flopped over and hit him with her pillow.  
  
*******   
  
"WHAAAAT? A JOKE?"  
  
"Sorry, we just couldn't resist." Niko Robin laughed. "It was so much fun putting you through that 'wedding ceremony', but you should have known we wouldn't REALLY let you guys get married when you were smashed out of your heads. But when we saw you cuddled together like that..."  
  
"ARGGH! How DARE you?" Nami snarled, whirling about and punching Usopp to the deck.  
  
"Ey- Ey id oo it ee?" Usopp moaned around a mouthful of planks.  
  
"Because whenever some stupid lie comes up, it usually starts with you!"  
  
Sanji looked back at the island of Rakuen, almost vanished over the horizon now. "So all that time.. we were never really married."  
  
"Nope." Robin explained cheerfully. "We made sure our captain here never actually filled out and signed the forms that would have made it legally binding!"  
  
"Ohhh, Sanji." Nami said, paling a bit. "You must be furious, the way I kept insisting on a dowry ... and we were never married at all."  
  
"Nahh, I told you before, it's okay." He grinned. "Didn't you figure it out yet? I'd do all that stuff for you anytime... Nami-saaaan! Now, let's all go before, and I'll cook you two lovely ladies dinner!" He put one arm each around Nami and Robin and led them off to the galley, pausing briefly to look over his shoulder and grunt, "Slop for you pigs too!" to Usopp and Luffy.  
  
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Usopp said, picking himself up from the deck and hurrying after them.  
  
Luffy was left alone, sitting quietly on his preferred spot of the Going Merry's figurehead. Thoughtfully, he reached into his vest and removed a piece of paper. "I guess I wasn't supposed to sign this." he said to himself, skipping down to the bottom of the page.  
  
I, as captain of this ship, do hearby certify as married the aforementioned crew members.  
MONKEY D. LUFFY  
  
"This is probably one of those things that it's better I don't tell anyone else about." he smiled, and, folding the parchment carefully into the shape of an airplane, he tossed it over the side and watched it ride on the wind all the way down to the sea.  
  
  
THE END  
  



End file.
